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| This has never ever happened before... and it probably never will again.
I have 3 dates this weekend, with three different girls. Not bad for a guy with no car. Three pretty girls no less, and smart, and liberal, sarcastic, fun, etc, etc. In short, they're all the kind of girl I'd like to be with in the long term, all the kind I spend lonesome nights thinking of when I'm on the ship in the middle of the ocean, knowing that it'll be several months before I have a date again. To be brutally honest (which you're supposed to do in a blog, right?), I had planned the whole time I was onboard the ship that I would come back and date as much as possible, but quickly figure out with which I was most compatible. I'd never said this before, but I've said it everyday for the last year...
"Its all going according to plan."
It still feels wierd everytime I say it, but so exhilirating too. It would be a big aside to explain how I'd planned to join the Merchant Marine, and what I have planned next, but this was part of the plan all along. Even if these girls don't all end up liking me, they'd probably get along with each other famously.
Of course, I can't keep up this pace forever, nor would I want to.
Not only is the whole point of dating to find a relationship... but dating gets expensive. Quick. Even in the Post-Feminist dating scene in which every check is split down the middle, and new couples stagger awkwardly to the box office one at a time to buy separate tickets for the same show (ugh), 3 in one weekend is almost more than the savings from my meager apprentice wage can bear.
That is the difference between a new and not-so-new relationship, is it not? New couples are compelled to go out when others have the option of staying at home. Not that I'm agoraphobic or anything, but when its Sunday and 25° and dark at 5pm, its nice to just call her up and say "I have soup on the stove, come over."
By this point though, I'm really only going through with these dates because I said I would. I've been seeing more of Faith (my date for Sunday), and we've been talking on the phone like highschoolers. its goign well enough that I'm hoping we'll stop going out, and start staying in. | | |
| So I'm new to Xanga, right? and I notice that they're kind and generous enough to grant me the luxury of a 30 day Xanga premium trial, which is, when it comes down to it, a most generous and Christ-like token of their appreciation of me as a blogger.
Or not.
Not only do I suspect that you're all *enjoying* Xanga Premium as well, but I suspect that the timing is not coincidental, to wit; everyone gets the free trial as soon as they sign up, no? I mean, they say all those (useless) photo uploads were for Halloween, but I charge that the Premium is more insidious than that.
The thing is this... I'm such a n00b that I'm still unclear on which features are free, and which ones will be savagely yanked out from under me when I least suspect it (even though it counts down daily).
So someone please clear this up for me; is the timing coincidental, or is Xanga the blog version of the pusher-man, giving us all the first dose free? | | |
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I've totally got the Halloween spirit... and nothing to do with it. All of my friends completely ignore halloween since High School, especially when its on a Tuesday. I spent primetime handing out candy to kids... who can barely even utter "trick or treat" before darting straight across the lawn to the next house. I understand that its pretty intimidating talking to a strange adult (cringe) when you're so young, but its nice to at least say Hi and trick or treat and thankyougoodbye. Then again, I'm probably not the most approachable to kids. I just can't fawn all over a cute costume the way a church-going grandma would, you know.
I answered the door in a silly hat, but that didn't make any difference at all.
Now that all the kids are off the street, I'm really fighting the urge to throw an egg.
I haven't thrown an egg since highschool, of course, but back then I was the Roger Clemens of eggs. I had speed and accuracy, and if you came too close I'd totally give you the chin music. But I won't throw eggs tonight, unlike Clemens, I can retire and make it stick, if for no other reason than that I don't have a grudge against anyone in the neighborhood. If I did, I might, because this is kind of the one night I could get away with it (probably). I'm old and wise enough now to realize how bad it sucks to have to clean egg off your house, especially when you have to go to work, but still, when you throw an egg there's a thrill in the explosion... and then you get to run.
There's nothing like running away from something.
I can run anytime, sure, but its pointless to run for running's sake. Its so exciting to run away from something... to develop tunnel vision and feel nothing but the shock of feet on pavement, to know that you're running your hardest and that you have to try to run even harder, to feel like your lungs are going to bleed, and keep running anyway, and then the relief of making it back to the yard, or car, or whatever, breathing deeply and letting go a sigh of relief.
I'm not going to find anything as exciting as that on Xanga.
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| I am happy for my brother.
He's at a homecoming dance tonight. The only reason he's anywhere near a homecoming dance is because he has finally managed to keep a girlfriend longer than 2 weeks. Now if he could only keep a job that long.
I spent a day with my family today (which is sort of rare, but kind of nice) and its obvious that he's taking the thing seriously, even though he graduated last year and its her homecoming. It was even more obvious when he came downstairs in a $200 suit. I know he skipped prom, and the dapper, dashing date is a role he's never assumed before, so I'm proud of him for that. I do believe he wants to succeed too, although he'll be lucky not to fall on his face. Listen to what he did:
He told the poor girl that he wouldn't buy her a corsage (sp?) because they were too expensive. They he got on his bicycle and peddaled his ass to the florist, and picked out a very nice one embellished with a gold ribbon to match her dress. he thought the surprise would make him out to be a real sweetheart. In reality though, she's probably spent the last couple of weeks thinking he's a tight-fisted jagoff. For all anyone knows she could have gone out and wasted $30 or $40 buying one herself (or her mom out of pity, or something). He's lucky he didn't get dumped right there.
Aside from my own fading memories of various school dances and the various girls I've accompanied, the occasion sparked a thought which causes me increasing anxiety...
With this wedding coming up, and my wanting to make a good impression on Faith, I might actually have to dance a song or two. The Horror. The Horror.
Not that it would be horrible to dance with Faith... quite the opposite. But this time I might be the one falling flat on my face.
It's not that I can't dance, mind you (although I can't, lets be honest), its that I simply don't enjoy dancing. I've tried it enough times to know that it just doesn't suit me. I even like the idea of dancing well enough, and I do enjoy watching others dance from time to time, but the actual act is a whole other matter. The intimacy, the passion, and the shared experience are all aspects of dance that fascinate me, but I have discovered these qualities in other activites which don't require me looking like an ass in front of a lot of strangers.
Not that strangers matter.
If she asks me do dance, then dance I must. All inhibition and self-consciousness must be drowned at the open bar. I have determined to step out on a parquet floor in front of my family, God, and a girl I really like, and at least try to dance. And after I've demonstrated just how clumsy, awkward, and self-conscious I really can be, I'll need to find a way to say 'I did that for you. Was it okay? Do you still like me now?'
There's got to be some kind of metaphor in there somwhere. | | |
| In the mid-twenties, its always hard to discern whether she's a woman or a girl. There's no question with Faith though, she's certainly no longer a girl. This is strange to me, because the first time we met we were only about 16, and at sixteen everyone's a girl or boy.
All the same, I'm so glad that she's a woman, as that's exactly what I need. I've lost interest in girls almost totally, as I find them to be too flighty and un-focused. For so long I've been seeking someone who can call out the best in me, and challenge me to be my better self. This is a task suited only to a woman.
It would be a touch on the romantic side if I were to say "Oh, I've had a crush on her since highschool..." but that might be stretching it a bit. I've always liked her, sure, and could plainly see how pretty she was, but for all of highschool she was Ben's girlfriend, and you try not to think too hard about your friends' girlfriends. Then she went away to college.
When we reconnected she said she wanted to become better friends, and still thinking of her as Ben's ex, I thought that would actually work.
Somewhere along the line I realized that we could talk on the phone for several hours, and I was still interested in what she had to say. But when we hung out a second time her mom had asked her if it was a "date". She said she didn't know, and a slightly awkward moment passed right along.
* * *
I have a wedding to go to, and for once one of my relatives was not so tight fisted as to put "plus one" on my invitation. So I need a wedding date. Of course, only one name came to mind.
When I asked, she could see what I was getting at, and said yes before I could fully spit out the question.
But before we hung up the phone, the last thing she said to me was "Is it a 'date?'".
For a woman, she sure knows how to bring me back squarely to the 9th grade. How do you answer that? Its like saying "Do you like me? Do you Like like me?" I think you know, but you just want to hear it out loud. Its not to my credit that I couldn't really say one way or the other, and gave my best coy maybe.
Then she said "Well, you decide whether or not its a date, and I'll go with you either way." | | |
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